Squidblog

I am confounded by the culture of required tipping.

Why am I expected to tip my cab driver, even if her driving made me carsick and she nearly wrecked us twice? Why should I tip the guy who cuts my hair at a pricey New York City salon, but didn’t give me a style I liked?

And why can’t I give $10 to the nice UPS guy who always remembers my name and asks how work is going? Or to the woman at the checkout stand who scribbled down her favorite cranberry bread recipe and gave it to me. Taking it a step further, why can’t I tip the authors I’ve read, for working hard to inspire me. Or my friend when he gives me a lift to the airport. Why shouldn’t I pay (and in fact, would get arrested for paying) my doctor a bonus for her amazing bedside manner and dedication?

Here’s why. It’s because when you use money as a way to say thanks, the currency of ideas and service and friendship changes. Some people are offended to get a tip, some people are offended NOT to get a tip.

When it’s an unexpected treat, a tip or reward can make people smile. When it’s expected or asked for or demanded, it’s hard to delight anyone.

The good news is, online, there are none of the crazy industry standards and moral customs that demand tipping. Even better, there’s a chance to really invent your own, better way to say thanks.

If you’re looking for a way to express gratitude (not just gratuity) here’s a thought: Try it with words. Say thanks and spread it around. Champion the person and do him or her a favor in return. Post a shout out or retweet an idea or email a recommendation or feature them on your Facebook profile for a day. Give help or time or kindness, not money.

Of course, your waiter at dinner tonight will probably hate you for it! But people online will be bowled over by your help. And it will mean a lot more than $50 cents in a tipjar.